Finding Your Worth

So I was listening to my itunes recently while getting dressed, and Alicia Keys " A Woman's Worth" came on. Being that I haven't heard that song since like 2001, I was excited when it came on and immediately put on my best diva face and began singing all the words. I have to admit that it's one of my favorite A.keys songs...cause I think we ( and as in we I mean society) sometimes forget a woman's worth ( especially a brown woman)....so of course I got to blog about it.

I think discovering your true "worth" in life, is one of the most difficult journeys a person can make. First, what determines a persons worth....more specifically what determines a woman's worth? Unfortunately for women, our worth is sometimes wrapped up in our physical being: either the way we look or the "things" we can do. It seems that some people ( both men and women) put more value in the roundness of someones ass or how well they can "suck -- swallow- then repeat", rather than their character or intelligence. With standards such as these, its hard not to reach for superficial criteria to define ourselves. But when it comes to establishing "worth", i don't think that using shallow specifications is the worse offensive. The worse offense has to be letting someone else define your own worth. I think people do this all the time: we rely on our boyfriends, fiance, husbands, lovers, family and friends to tell us how freakin' great we are. We constantly compare ourselves to others: even when we are not consciously trying to do so. I know I have personally struggled with this. I can name specific times when I have asked a boyfriend/ex-boyfriend to compare me to someone else. Why? why do I do that s***. Am I a masochist....emotional cutter ? Why do I want or need to hear I am prettier, smarter or better than someone else?... And why does it hurt sooo much to hear that I am not? I realize that by doing this I am just handing my worth over to someone else. Allowing somebody else to stick a "metaphorical price tag" on my forehead.... and determining what i'm good for. I want to learn how to start defining my own worth, make my own determinations of what is important... and try to live by my own standards.

The Top 10 Guys to avoid....

If you don't know me you may not know that I have a tendency to be a tad sarcastic and be little dramatic. So not everything I say should be taken so literally....so this next post is all in good fun... so if you happen to fall into one of these categories, don't take offense... and if you do, write about it!!!!

TOP TEN GUYS A TWENTY-SOMETHING- BROWN GIRL SHOULD AVOID.

Ok this is for the ladies...specifically my soon to be twenty- something girls who may need a little guidance. Often when I talk to with girlfriends the conversation inevitably leads to a discussions about relationships. Don't get me wrong, we're smart girls so we can gab a/b politics, finance and other stuff too...but lets be honest nothing goes better with a cocktail than some man talk. Over the years, we have had hundreds of convo about guys and types of guys. It has become clear to many of us, that certain "types" should just be avoided all together. So being the spirited blogger that I am...i decided to compile these "types" into a nice neat list to share with the world.

Guy Number 1) " But My Mama Says"....
Look loving your mom is great, and we all get that she is a wonderful woman that sacrificed soo much to raise you. But I really don't need to know how your mom cooks her chicken or what your mom thinks about my hair cut. Look there is an art to taking advice, heed your mom's advice ( most of it is probably good) but be a man and think for yourself.

Guy Number 2) " If you want a girl...I'm real good at making girls.... I already got two" ( and that is a direct quote I kid you not).
Children are blessings...but don't need nor want to be anybodies makeshift babysitter or mommy, especially when your not taking care of them properly. I'm not saying that all guys with children should be eliminated..but when a guy is only 22 and he already has 4...you may want to reconsider.

Guy Number 3) " I'm just talkin to somebody"
I can't stand the just talking guy. You know him..the guy who is always "just talkin" to somebody. And we all know that he has a girlfriend and doesn't want to admit it ..but when you ask him about her, he is always "just talkin"...stop lying ...you met her family...you went out on V-day...your in a relationship you are not just talking.

Guy Number 4) " It against my religion to wear condoms"
Really...really....put a condom on. It's 2010 I don't want your parasite, virus or bacteria...and childcare is too expensive...if you don't want to wear one...than introduce yourself to the five finger shuffle.

Guy Number 5) Ego Trippin' Frat Boy-
Ok I have nothing against guys in Fraternities.. In fact being apart of one can actually be an attribute. But and however...the Ego trippin' frat boy who thinks his "ish" don't stink gotta go. Just because you have a Greek symbol adorned to your body doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. I mean get a grip... just last year you were the chunky kid in the dorm playing your Xbox...please don't get Greek confused with Greek God there is a difference.

Guy Number 6) The Old man at the club wearing FUBU telling you that you have a "baby face"( again another real life example) ....do I even need an explanation.

Guy Number 7) The free lance rapper/producer/football player/artist.
There is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams ( even if they are a tad far fetched) but when you sit at home, doing nothing and have no real measurable talent, and you want me to finance or support your lofty dreams..we have a problem

Guy Number 8) " I smoke...I drink.... and that's about it"-
There is nothing wrong with having a good time, but if it it Tuesday and it only 1:35 pm and you haven't worked since 2008, and the last time you were in a classroom was 2003 in High School... its time to get a new hobby ( and maybe get your liver checked).

Guy Number 9) " My car is fly...but its in the shop"-
Recently, I have come across a couple of these guys. They got the nicest car...but its never around...ever. So you end up driving all around town, wasting your gas, money and time. But these are the same guys to brag about their "fly car" with " tinted everything, and rims." Well Mr. if you can afford all that maybe you can chip in for gas.

Guy Number 10) " Your cute...but I'm cuter".
To all the men in the world...let me let you in on a secret..women want to feel as if they are the cutest thing in the world and that they are the prize in the relationship. If you love to look at yourself more than me...we have a problem. If you criticize my shoes, clothes, makeup...we have a problem. You may be cute Mr. but let me assure I AM THE CUTER ONE.

So there you have it the top 10 guys to avoid...be aware be very aware

Honorable Mentions-
1. Smelly Guys
2. Meat Heads
3. The Womanizer
4. The beyond irrational homophobes
5. The "black women disser "

The Newfangled Graduation Speech

"Graduates..you should be very proud of yourself ...only 33% of the US adult population has earned a college degree....Now just in case you forgot: the economy sucks...you probably won't find a job...your going to live in your parent's basement for the next ten years...your marriage will probably fail and you owe us 100,000$ dollars... good luck and Congratulations !!!"

I've been to two graduations this year and several graduations ( including my own) last year; and the above sentiment has been uttered in some shape or fashion at all of these commencement ceremonies. I realize that these troubled times has helped to shape what I like to call " The Newfangled Graduation Speech". For the past couple of years, college deans, guest speakers and professors have tirelessly explained ( while dressed in full academic regalia of course...so dapper) to us the state of our world, and how we are going to be faced with many challenges. And while I appreciate their concerns, I don't need to be reminded of how sucky everything is: I'm reminded everyday when I fill out job applications and nothing happens. One of the biggest complaints I hear from 20-somethings, is that they have a better chance of getting struck by lightning, while holding a winning lottery ticket and tripping over a pot of gold...than finding an entry level position in their field of choice. Its hard enough for seasoned professionals with PhDs. and 15-20 years experience to find a job...how do they expect recent graduates with nothing more than a degree and a slight alcohol problem ( solely contributed to the 4+ years of partying) to find one. Ugh...out of all the problems us 20-somethings face, this has to be the most challenging. But instead of just complaining about it...I'm going to offer up some suggestions that I think might be helpful:

1) Volunteer in your field: I have been told this is a great way to get to know people in your industry and to make some positive impressions. People love getting ish for free...especially labor... so volunteer. I am proud to say that I have recently started volunteering in my field as a health educator and thus far I'm loving it (pat on the back...go me go me).

2)Go to Graduate School if you can- further your education...make yourself more marketable... plus its another opportunity to hear yet another uplifting graduation speech.

3) Join a Professional Organization- I haven't done this one yet...but I will. Joining these organizations helps you network...and they usually have a great database of companies in your field that are hiring.

4) Explore yourself (and not in a sexual way that's another topic...but trust that i will definitely go there... so stay tuned). Find out if there is anything you are good at and create a side hussle. My BFF is a wonderful designer...but she realized that clothing design is not the easiest field to break into...so she tried accessories..and now she makes the most adorable headbands in the world ( you should buy one).

5)Relax...keep trying it will get better...and remember when life gives you lemons...add some tequila...a cute guy and make some bad decisions ( but with a condom...I would be remiss in my public health duties if i didn't say that).

Ok first post... and its a good one...BarackaReggieSongz

Ok world...so a couple of days ago my wonderful cousin posted an interesting idea on Facebook. She spoke of how the perfect man would be a combination of the deliciously delectable R&B singer Trey Songz, and the incredibly intelligent President Barack Obama. He would have the smoldering sex appeal of the R&B crooner, while simultaneously being able to contribute to an intelligent conversation. So of course I had to put my two sense in... and agreed that an amalgamation of the two men would be a great idea...and we should work on that wonderful creation asap. About a day ago one of my best girlfriends also contributed to the convo...and added that the perfectly- perfect- chocolate- morsel named Reggie Bush, should be added to this equation...I immediately agreed ( I mean its Reggie Bush enough said). Sooo with the help of my girlfriends we have determined that the perfect man would be a combination of: President Obama, Trey Songz and Reggie Bush à la BarackaReggieSongz. Soo this concept of a perfect man got me thinking...what qualities do I want in a man? I mean I have the generic list in my head: tall, dark, handsome, intelligent blah blah blah...but when I am alone with my thoughts I often ask myself " Lorin what do you really really want...and more importantly , what are you going to do when or if you actually find it? The truth of the matter is, I don't really know exactly what I want. I guess I am on a constant journey to discovering what I want and need. So I guess the voyage to finding my BarackaReggieSongz continues ( good luck to me I think I'm going to need it).

Hello World ( in my British voice of course)......

Hello World...and welcome to my blog... I am super excited about starting my own blog and I have been wanting to do so for some time now. I guess I should start off by stating why I wanted to start my own blog. Well for starters this has been a challenging year for me. In the past year I have graduated from college ( "yeah me")... started graduate school ( " double yeah me ")..ended a long term relationship ( 1/2 "yeah")...engaged in some questionable relationships
(definitely no "yeah")...and a myriad of other things to be described at a later time ( stay tuned). While going through all these changes I have often turned to the guidance and advice of my wonderful friends and family. My friends and family have often told me ( sometimes not even solicited ) what they have done or would have done in my situation. But often I have wondered what other twenty-somethings : not related to me in any shape, form or fashion...have done when faced with similar changes and challenges in their lives. For this reason I have decided to write a blog, detailing the sorted and sometimes messy details of my life, and hopefully someone will feel compelled enough to share their story. And with our powers combined we can navigate this often difficult and confusing time called our twenties ( ok that was a little dramatic...but I think you get the idea...this is a sharing space). With all that said: HELLO WORLD and welcome to the sorted life of a Twenty-Something Brown Girl...