Hello

Hello World...it has been a while and I have neglected you. The good thing is I have prime material for some new blogs, and hold onto your seats cause your about to enter my convoluted world (once again) . Ahh where to begin ? Should I discuss my failed attempts at finding gainful employment, my less then ideal romantic liaisons, or just my overall disdain for these last few weeks of life. Lately, I've been feeling like God has personally sent a little dark rain cloud to follow me...causing nothing but pain and frizzy hair. Sooo I turn to my blog and write, and while I may not be great at it..its my personal therapy ( and its a hell of alot cheaper than a psychiatrist). Soo buckle up...stay tuned and enjoy the ride.

I wish there was a 12 step program for getting to know someone.

Hello World. it has been awhile but that doesn't mean there is a lack of things to talk about. These last couple of months have proven themselves to be very busy. My normal end-of-the-year routine has been somewhat interrupted by the introduction of a new found romance (ohh--lucky me). Yes, it caught me by surprise but sometimes life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it. Like all my relationships ( and pretty much anything in my life) this new found romance has been the source of a lot of internal dialog between myself and Nirol( my overly articulated self-conscience, whom never ceases to confuse the hell out of me). Over these past couple of weeks I have put on my best "new-relationship game face" and have tried to get to know this person the best way I know how...by watching bad tv together on my very comfy couch. Well one day I was sitting on that very same couch and an episode of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab was on. I watch a few minutes of the program and then it dawned on me....im sooo envious of these b-list celebrities with serious drug problems. I know your probably thinking I a completely and utter nut case ( and ur right i probably am), but there is something to envy about these uniquely infamous quasi-celebs... and its not the drug induced comas....its their 12-step programs. Think about it...life would be sooo much easier if there was a simple 12-step program to follow for everything; specifically for getting to know someone new. So I ask you world, what are the best ways to get to know someone? What are you're 12-steps...and once you go through them whats next?

Myth of the Good Girl

I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now...and its' about time that I wrote about it. Often i get into conversations with many twenty-something women and we often talk about our woes with love, relationships and life in general. And although these young twenty-somethings come from various walks of life, they all express a similar sentiment: " I'm doin everythin i'm suppose to...and yet i'm still getting shit on". Often I hear this when discussing cheating boyfriends or lousy job markets. When looking at all these young women, I starting to notice a pattern...they are all the quintessential "Good Girl". What is the " Quintessential Good Girl" you ask? Well here is the answer. The Good Girl is one that follows the rules....even at her own expense. She works hard...even if it means not doing what makes her happy , she has relationships...cause she suppose to, she doesn't cheat...even when cheated on, and she doesn't take risks...because she's scared of them. I think for many women we have been told when we were growing up to be a "good girl" to put others before yourself, to be honest and work hard. Now I'm not saying that these qualities are bad, but I think for many twenty-somethings we have subscribed to these ideals, that we scarifice our own happiness just to fit an image. I know for myself I have been terrified to let go of the "Good Girl" image, I have for years take comfort in an ideal that may not really exist. Recently however, I have had an insatiable desire to throw caution to the wind...break the rules...take a major risk, I hope I can just find the courage to do it.

10 things a twenty-something girl should do before she turns into a thirty-something girl with real responsiblities and premature age lines.

Ok I was thinking about this the other day, and you know how people create a bucket list of all the things they want to do before they die..well I have created a bucket list of 10 things a twenty-something girl should do before she is a thirty-something girl and you just look ridiculous doing any of these things.

1. Dance in Your Room... in your panties to a Michael Jackson song- Honestly you should have already done this...but just in case you haven't...it is so much fun. I often lip-sync to "PYT" in my granny panties and bra when ever the mood strikes me. Honestly, it is the most liberating thing you can do and MJ would truly appreciate it...RIP MJ.


2. " Girls Day"- Girls day is a day or weekend...when you get away with your friends and spend money that you really don't have. This is a time to buy a Marc Jacobs bag, sip some over priced wine...hell get a tattoo of lips on your ass if you feel inspired to. Its just about over indulgence and enjoying life.

3. Bust the Window out of some A-hole's Car- I haven't gotten around to this one but I'm really really want to channel Jasmine Sullivan...and Bust the Windows out of someone's car.

4. Go to a Club in a Truly inappropriate outfit- This is time to dress up like a high-class hooker
( operative word- high class, like 25,000$ a night who only serves football players and governors... and no anal of course). Your dress should be short, your skirt should be tight and your heels should be high.

5. Sky Dive..Drive Fast...Bungee- Any one of these will do.

6. Go to a Male review- Seriously the best night I ever had was at a Male review with two Long Island Ice Teas running through my veins....from what I can actually remember it was a great night.

7. Go to a Gay Club- Yet Another one I haven't done...but really want to...I think it could be really liberating to go to a club were the men don't want you...and Cher, Madonna, Gaga and Diana are on constant rotation.

8. Have a secret love affair...or at least imagine one- Just imagine the stories you will have to reminisce on when you're 60 and your boobs don't sit where they use to. You can think about the time you had a steamy, sex- filled rendezvous with the hot ________ ( you fill in the blank...I like personal trainer), with the nice arms and tight ass...awwwwww moving on

9. Buy a Guy a drink---HAHA just kidding...never that :)

10. Do something unexpected- take a belly dancing class....get on a motorcycle....wear animal print...IDK what ever is daring to you have at it.

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX ( SPINDERELLA CUT IT UP ONE TIME)

Ok World....so I tried to wait for at least a couple of post before I got to the sex topic...but I think its been long enough.... so its time we talk about SEX ( I have a flare for the dramatic...hence all the caps).

Sooo...for me sex is a pivotal part of my life, and not because I'm a nymphomaniac or a raging whore, but because I actually want to make a career surrounding the topic ( and no I'm not talking about porn). For those who may not know, I aspire to become a health behavior researcher, with a focus on sexual behaviors. I am interested in why people make certain choices regarding SEX and how it ultimately affects their health. So for me, SEX is something that is a huge component of the human experience and is worthy of lots of discussion. Now, putting career aspirations aside, I personally think SEX is GREAT . In my short years I have come to realize that most things in life suck....jobs, taxes, Justin Bieber, death, unwanted hair, fat on your ankles, bad breath the list goes on and on. But and however, there are only a few real pleasures.... fried food, Christmas morning, finding 5$ in your pocket and... SEX. So with that said, I think all people should try to have as much SEX as possible ( of course there are some rules and regulations).
Talking to lots of twenty-something year olds, I have realized that SEX is a big part of their experiences. For many people, their twenties is the time in their life were they make alot of decisions regarding sex and their sexual being ( and yes there is a difference). Whether its choosing to abstain, choosing to engage in a new sexual relationship, deciding to have a baby, should you date a girl or boy, deciding what to do with an unwanted pregnancy, getting tested, should you wax or shave, should you go to YOU PORN or PORN HUB, choosing a gynocologist, and should you keep a relationship just because a guy is great at cunnilingus.... aww decisions, decisions. With all these decisions that us twenty-somethings need to make, it is no surprise that SEX ( while great ) can be daunting and down right confusing. I will use myself as an example. As a twenty-something girl, when it comes to SEX , I often find myself in this tug of war... I call it the Charlotte vs. Samantha. Do I embrace my inner "Charlotte" and reserve my lovely lady parts for "true love" or do I channel my inner " Samantha" and embrace sex as just a means of physical satisfaction? I mean both have their perks and drawbacks, and it doesn't help that the surrounding world is pulling us girls in both directions. If you think about it, the world is sending us mixed messages... and the proof is in the pudding...just take a look at the mantra
" Lady in the street, freak in the sheets". HELLO CONFUSING....Does anyone ever consider, that in order to be a freak you gotta have "practice", and by having "practice" your completing contradicting the conventional definition of a "lady". Back to Charlotte vs. Samantha: how will I feel about my choices 10 or 20 years from now? If I choose Charlotte... will I look back and wish I was more sexually liberated. And If I choose Samantha, will I look back and call myself a whore ( what constituents a whore anyway-next blog topic). Anyway, trying to choose my personal path has given me a lot of insight to myself and what I am comfortable with. I am in no means completely there....but I think I have an idea of what direction I"m leading towards. So tell me world...what do you think a twenty-something should do?

Finding Your Worth

So I was listening to my itunes recently while getting dressed, and Alicia Keys " A Woman's Worth" came on. Being that I haven't heard that song since like 2001, I was excited when it came on and immediately put on my best diva face and began singing all the words. I have to admit that it's one of my favorite A.keys songs...cause I think we ( and as in we I mean society) sometimes forget a woman's worth ( especially a brown woman)....so of course I got to blog about it.

I think discovering your true "worth" in life, is one of the most difficult journeys a person can make. First, what determines a persons worth....more specifically what determines a woman's worth? Unfortunately for women, our worth is sometimes wrapped up in our physical being: either the way we look or the "things" we can do. It seems that some people ( both men and women) put more value in the roundness of someones ass or how well they can "suck -- swallow- then repeat", rather than their character or intelligence. With standards such as these, its hard not to reach for superficial criteria to define ourselves. But when it comes to establishing "worth", i don't think that using shallow specifications is the worse offensive. The worse offense has to be letting someone else define your own worth. I think people do this all the time: we rely on our boyfriends, fiance, husbands, lovers, family and friends to tell us how freakin' great we are. We constantly compare ourselves to others: even when we are not consciously trying to do so. I know I have personally struggled with this. I can name specific times when I have asked a boyfriend/ex-boyfriend to compare me to someone else. Why? why do I do that s***. Am I a masochist....emotional cutter ? Why do I want or need to hear I am prettier, smarter or better than someone else?... And why does it hurt sooo much to hear that I am not? I realize that by doing this I am just handing my worth over to someone else. Allowing somebody else to stick a "metaphorical price tag" on my forehead.... and determining what i'm good for. I want to learn how to start defining my own worth, make my own determinations of what is important... and try to live by my own standards.

The Top 10 Guys to avoid....

If you don't know me you may not know that I have a tendency to be a tad sarcastic and be little dramatic. So not everything I say should be taken so literally....so this next post is all in good fun... so if you happen to fall into one of these categories, don't take offense... and if you do, write about it!!!!

TOP TEN GUYS A TWENTY-SOMETHING- BROWN GIRL SHOULD AVOID.

Ok this is for the ladies...specifically my soon to be twenty- something girls who may need a little guidance. Often when I talk to with girlfriends the conversation inevitably leads to a discussions about relationships. Don't get me wrong, we're smart girls so we can gab a/b politics, finance and other stuff too...but lets be honest nothing goes better with a cocktail than some man talk. Over the years, we have had hundreds of convo about guys and types of guys. It has become clear to many of us, that certain "types" should just be avoided all together. So being the spirited blogger that I am...i decided to compile these "types" into a nice neat list to share with the world.

Guy Number 1) " But My Mama Says"....
Look loving your mom is great, and we all get that she is a wonderful woman that sacrificed soo much to raise you. But I really don't need to know how your mom cooks her chicken or what your mom thinks about my hair cut. Look there is an art to taking advice, heed your mom's advice ( most of it is probably good) but be a man and think for yourself.

Guy Number 2) " If you want a girl...I'm real good at making girls.... I already got two" ( and that is a direct quote I kid you not).
Children are blessings...but don't need nor want to be anybodies makeshift babysitter or mommy, especially when your not taking care of them properly. I'm not saying that all guys with children should be eliminated..but when a guy is only 22 and he already has 4...you may want to reconsider.

Guy Number 3) " I'm just talkin to somebody"
I can't stand the just talking guy. You know him..the guy who is always "just talkin" to somebody. And we all know that he has a girlfriend and doesn't want to admit it ..but when you ask him about her, he is always "just talkin"...stop lying ...you met her family...you went out on V-day...your in a relationship you are not just talking.

Guy Number 4) " It against my religion to wear condoms"
Really...really....put a condom on. It's 2010 I don't want your parasite, virus or bacteria...and childcare is too expensive...if you don't want to wear one...than introduce yourself to the five finger shuffle.

Guy Number 5) Ego Trippin' Frat Boy-
Ok I have nothing against guys in Fraternities.. In fact being apart of one can actually be an attribute. But and however...the Ego trippin' frat boy who thinks his "ish" don't stink gotta go. Just because you have a Greek symbol adorned to your body doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. I mean get a grip... just last year you were the chunky kid in the dorm playing your Xbox...please don't get Greek confused with Greek God there is a difference.

Guy Number 6) The Old man at the club wearing FUBU telling you that you have a "baby face"( again another real life example) ....do I even need an explanation.

Guy Number 7) The free lance rapper/producer/football player/artist.
There is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams ( even if they are a tad far fetched) but when you sit at home, doing nothing and have no real measurable talent, and you want me to finance or support your lofty dreams..we have a problem

Guy Number 8) " I smoke...I drink.... and that's about it"-
There is nothing wrong with having a good time, but if it it Tuesday and it only 1:35 pm and you haven't worked since 2008, and the last time you were in a classroom was 2003 in High School... its time to get a new hobby ( and maybe get your liver checked).

Guy Number 9) " My car is fly...but its in the shop"-
Recently, I have come across a couple of these guys. They got the nicest car...but its never around...ever. So you end up driving all around town, wasting your gas, money and time. But these are the same guys to brag about their "fly car" with " tinted everything, and rims." Well Mr. if you can afford all that maybe you can chip in for gas.

Guy Number 10) " Your cute...but I'm cuter".
To all the men in the world...let me let you in on a secret..women want to feel as if they are the cutest thing in the world and that they are the prize in the relationship. If you love to look at yourself more than me...we have a problem. If you criticize my shoes, clothes, makeup...we have a problem. You may be cute Mr. but let me assure I AM THE CUTER ONE.

So there you have it the top 10 guys to avoid...be aware be very aware

Honorable Mentions-
1. Smelly Guys
2. Meat Heads
3. The Womanizer
4. The beyond irrational homophobes
5. The "black women disser "